Welcome to Outsiding!

Hello! Man, I can’t believe that this is my first post on the Outsiding Substack - talking about, of all things, gardening! Because - I am a woman who has killed more plants than Agent Orange. I am a woman who, once, tried to cut the lawn with a big pair of scissors - the lawnmower was broken, and my parents-in-law were coming over. I am a woman who - on one, particularly egregious, day - “experimented” with watering a pot-plant with a flat can of Coke. Diet. As you might imagine, that plant died.

But, as Outsiding’s first guest, National Treasure Bob Mortimer, put it: “Gardening comes to us all, in the end.” You can’t fight it. It’s inevitable. And gardening came to me in a postpartum daze, weeks after I had my second child, in 2003.

We’d just moved into our new house - the first time we’d had a garden - and, one day, I found myself wandering into the garden of our new house, in an hormonal daze, dropping to my knees, and just … digging. Like some mad, new urge had over-taken me.

All I had was a trowel - so it was far harder than it needed to be - but, by the time the baby woke up again, I had dug a whole, new border. I had made a new thing - totally on my own.

I was, instantly, addicted. Gardening was my new obsession.

However, I had one, big problem: no-one else I knew was into gardening. Not a single soul. I had no older, more knowledgeable horticultural buff to offer a few tips - or quietly shake their head, as I chucked old Fanta onto a spider-plant.

And I had no-one else who was as excited as I was, the first time the wisteria burst into bloom, and turned the entire side of our house into a lilac-coloured waterfall of blossoms.

“If I had just one wish,” I used to think, as I struggled to tie my clematis in place with an old shoelace, “it would be to have a Gardening Friend. If the universe could send me one mate into compost, roses, and veg, then - in the words of Belinda Carlisle - heaven really would be a place on Earth.”

Or, made of earth, if Belinda was looking at my borders.

All of this is by way of saying: LOOK HOW JAMMY I AM! LOOK HOW KIND THE UNIVERSE CAN OCCASIONALLY BE! Because, this summer, my latest job is co-presenting a gardening podcast, in my garden - and my on-screen gardening brother is no other than Gardener’s World god, and Chelsea award-winning designer, Adam Frost.

I still, if I’m honest, don’t quite know how I got to be so lucky - but, as soon as we met, we just … clicked. Three hours after we first met, we were still gabbling away about our mutual obsessions (Bruce Springsteen, The Beatles) and pet peeves (The Inclosures At of 1773). Yes, a lot of wine - and beer - and cider - was imbibed - but, by the end, I felt like I’d met a brother from another mother.

The next time we met, I found a packet of pumpkin seeds, on the table - which Adam had left for me to discover, after he got in his cab. I’m happy to admit, I became quite tearful. Adam had remembered that one of my - drunken! - streams-of-consciousness: ranting that, in 2026, my biggest ambition was, “To grow the Halloween Pumpkins for my kids. This is the year I finally do this!”

And, so, he’d left the pumpkin seeds. I could almost hear his voice in my head, as I looked at them: “Go on, girl - you total lunatic. You grow those pumpkins.”

On Outsiding, Adam is the wise, Zen, Ronnie O’Sullivan-lookalike to my more impulsive, ADHD Gardening Miss Piggy - and, in a way I don’t quite understand, he seems to enjoy my ignorant enthusiasm. Which is just as well - because I have plenty. As you will see. Because, here on Substack, we’ll be chronicling all things Outsiding - our celebrity guests; Adam’s hints and tips - but, one of the biggest things will be covering our exciting side-project: designing, and building, my new garden. A subject which, I am happy to admit, I am completely clueless.

Because my second piece of luck is that, last winter, my neighbour sold me a part of their garden. Yes - I am living out the most passionate dream of the middle-aged woman. Not being romanced by Pedro Pascal, or even getting a neck-lift - but getting a bigger garden without moving house.

Starting from scratch, one of this country’s greatest garden designers is going to show me just how to turn this 80m x 60m London garden into a veritable paradise of fruit, herbs, veg, rain-water capture, and habitats for nature. As you can imagine, I am punching the air with joy. And the ultimate aim? Well, Adam’s ultimate aim is for us to grow enough veg that, this time next year, we can serve our celebrity guests a meal that has all been grown in my garden. That there will be an Outsiding BBQ, with Outsiding courgettes, being cooked in the Outsiding garden - a testimony to the true magic of being outside.

My aim, however? It’s to get hedgehogs. I want hedgehogs in my garden. I haven’t told Adam this yet, but - I’m sure he’ll be fine with it. He’ll know how to get me some hedgehogs. He knows everything. We’ll just … build a hedgehog garden, and the hedgehogs will come, right? Right.

So - join us, right here, as we try to make a modern-day Eden in Crouch End. Just one gardening genius - and his eager side-kick, who still can’t believe that she got so lucky that Bob Mortimer, and Mike D from The Beastie Boys, are sitting on her patio, and that, when she finally got a Gardening Friend, it was bloody Adam Frost from Gardener’s World. Thank you, beneficent universe.